Status Change

When you go to bed
a bride
and wake up
a widow,
the world becomes
an unseasoned chicken.
Breathing becomes
a bag of rocks
dragging you
underwater to
the land of darkness
and thorns.
– Kayo Logun

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No More

​They asked why I married
Him.
I say because his hands
Stings like a bee,
His palm is tattooed
on my cheeks.
His footsteps are carved
In my ribs.
How can I explain
That I had lost myself
Long before he married me
Long before I sold him my soul.

They asked why I stayed
I say because I know only
His voice
Burning through my confidence
Like a discarded cigarette
In a field of dried hay in december.
How can I tell them
That I had lost my ears
To the voices in my head
Before his voice pierced
Through the wax.
How can I explain I am
No more.

EXPECTATIONS

I am 20 going on 30.
In a decade I did hope
I’ll be bearing a man’s signature:
A cycle of torture
Or a bond of pleasure
His name tattooed between the
Two dimple on my buttocks
Looking down the cracks
Where he would fall
If the devil possess
Him to ever raise his hands.

I did hope for four tiny feet
Mouths open to the heavens
Like baby chicks
pretty and strong
Each to its own.

I did hope
I’ll be the boss lady
Rocking the biz world like Jaga.
Shitting on bank rolls
And rolling up the dough.

I did hope I’ll remember
Who I am and not live
Through people’s eyes.

WHY I WOULD PROPOSE TO MY BOYFRIEND.

the_proposal02

Men are the heavy muscles, soldier ants: destined to till the ground. Women are the china dolls, the maids: destined to look pretty, breed babies and keep the house clean. This is the mentality that has put “the marriage proposal ritual in the heavy hands of men. Even though a few women have snatched these moments and succeeded in moving from traditional conventions to a disadvantage as well as an advantage, it remains a taboo. I am a woman who constantly challenges the status quo, especially, if it sends women back to the dark ages. I believe leaving the proposal game to the men definitely does.

In the modern world, a woman’s work place has extended beyond the home to the office. Many women work more hours than their men; juggling the bread winning duties with their traditional home making ones. I believe a woman strong enough to do this should have the confidence to ask for what she wants. If what she want is a ring, then so be it.

A marriage proposal is like any other question

“Will you marry me?”

“Will you buy me a house?”

“Will you come home with me”

Will you have dinner with me”.

I am not trivialising the intensity of this question, I am simply questioning the idea that it can only be asked by a particular gender. This question involves two people and its nature is such that it can be asked by any of the parties involved. The result would still be the same whether a woman does the proposing or a man does it. There will always be a question and an answer. A “Yes” if the parties are at the same place and a “No” if the are not. If I were to be a man, I am sure I would be dating a woman who is bold enough to make such moves. As I am a woman who has found the most amazing, understanding and loving man, I would be proposing to my boyfriend.

Now, why would I want to do such “abominable” thing? I have lived a few years on the earth. Years long enough to shape me into a determined, focus and considerate individual. I have deliberated on my life, our life and every other factor. I know the next stage I want is a home and I have found the person to build it with. I understand this is also what he wants and I believe we are at the same place. So, why not take the first step and make it a reality instead of waiting around.

The proposal charade involves a lot of work (guess work) by the man. He sneaks around to find her ring size, amidst whispering in friends and families ears about his intention. He hopes she likes the music, the restaurant, the menu, the surprise, the ring and the question. He says it is her day and it has to be perfect. Well if it is my day, I know I am the only one that knows for certain, how to make it perfect.

A perfect day would be a day without the possibility of me crying not because of the surprise but because of how out of place (a nicer way of saying ugly) the ring looks on my finger.  So there will be flowers, music, wine, food and definitely poetry (because I am a poet). This would end with me on my Knees, a ring I have carefully selected to reflect my taste (a ring he may or may not have unknowingly paid for) and the question “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

************************

Let’s see if you can make me change my mind with your logical argument for or against a woman proposing. Looking forward to your comments.

***********************

See I am not the first to think this

http://jezebel.com/5966699/maybe-more-women-would-ask-guys-to-marry-them-if-it-werent-seen-as-such-an-emasculating-bummer

PROPOSAL

I’ve got a tongue as sharp as a blunt needle
It would prick your ego and make
you bath in muddle
My palm soothes like a sandpaper
My picture lines the bed of a pauper
Now what say you young hero
do you still want my withered hand in matrimony.
                      ©Kayo Logun

Gerald Roger’s Advice after a divorce – A feminine Response 4

Drop the Mask

Part 4

16.  Drop the Mask

Share everything with your partner and listen to him. It takes courage for him to admit that he is not perfect. Listening to his dark side does not been you are condoning bad behaviour, it only means he trusts you enough to let you know him for what he is. Try not to snap or condemn because that may make him clam up and you don’t want that.

 

17.  Common Grounds

Grow together by finding something you both enjoy and make out time to do this thing together. Appreciate what he enjoys that you don’t. Find out why he loves it so much maybe then you can see what he sees.

 

18.  Money Fight.

       Money they say is the root of evil and if you were not careful, it would make you two great enemies. Always look at the bigger picture when it comes to money. Look at what you are trying to achieve and work with him to get there. Consider each other’s suggestion and detach yourself from the issue.

 

19.  Freedom of Forgiveness.

       Learn to forgive each other as fast as you can but don’t forget to forgive yourself too. Talk through issues, trash it out, forgive and let it end there. Grudges have a way of eating at you without you noticing.

 

20.  Love Rule

       Let love guide every of your action. Love with all your heart and let him love you. Open your heart to receive the love he offers you and let this be the principle behind all your actions.

After all said,

Marriage needs constant re-evaluation; it evolves and changes because it is a state involving two individuals from different background. Values changes, situations changes, accidents happen and the shape of marriages are affected.

Marriage is an everlasting tree but it needs water, nutrients, sunshine and a lot of loving. You need to check its position constantly, see if it needs more water, sunshine or loving and adjust as appropriate. Without proper monitoring and hard work, it would wither away.

Having said all these, let me remind you that I have never been married and while you may not see me as an authority on this matter because of that fact, I can tell you that if I land myself a King, I sure will try all best to be a queen. It would not be easy but I am sure my King would see my effort and help me to be his Queen.

Goodluck Queens, be all your King needs you to be.

There is more, click on the other parts 1, 23 to continue reading.

share if you want others to benefit from this and please let me know your opinion by commenting.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

 

Gerald Roger’s Advice after a divorce – A feminine Response 2

emotions

Part 2

6.  Acknowledgement of Emotions.

Your partner can do everything right but it would all look wrong if you decide to simply be miserable. It is your decision to be happy or sad. You have to strive to be happy with yourself so that your husband’s effort to make you smile would put smile on your face. You need to discover what makes you happy and share this secret with your King. Also go the extra mile to find what makes your King happy and be the one to give it to him.

7.  Separate Actions from Persons.

Expressions like “opening old wounds” and “situations, words and event striking a cord” only emphasises the truth that people can only get to you when you allow them to. Someone calling you a bastard should not hurt you if you have no question about your paternity. Learn to separate your partner’s offence from him as a person. Isolate what he has done that has made you angry and deal with it by thinking of why it has affected you so much. Take time out to think about it if you need to; just make sure your time out does not lead you avoiding or ignoring him. You ever heard of the expression “hate the game, don’t hate the player”; yes hate the offence and not your man.

8. Venting time.

You are human and an important individual. You are allowed to vent your anger, to fear, to worry, be upset, be whatever you feel like but allow yourself to be comforted. Let your partner soothe that hurting soul with his words. Let him massage that aching shoulder. Let him tell you it would be ok when you both know it may not be. He is supposed to be your pillar, lean on him and do not be afraid to be weak. Let him be your strength when you are weak. Let him know you appreciate his strength by taking what he offers you; a shoulder to cry on.

9.  Laughing Gas.

Remember your first date, did you not laugh at every joke he made? Never forget that. Relax, let him feel like he can be silly around you without being judged. Allow him to make you laugh. Laughing transforms embarrassing moments to fun times, I am sure that is what you want; fun times with your partner <wink wink>

Learn to laugh at yourself too. Life looks a lot better, when your eyes are watering, your stomach muscles are aching and you are rolling over with laughter.

10. Soul food.

We learn to show love from childhood and the show of love is a continuous lesson. However, some love language stick like glue to us and you need to learn that which your man speak. You owe it to your soul to be treated like a queen everyday so if hand out those little secrets to your man.

Now return the favour by feeding your man’s soul by speaking his love language. You would feel like a queen when you get a positive feedback from your King. There is no greater joy that when you see love for you ooze out of your man because of something you did. I love to make a man speechless, I don’t know about you. Give it to him in whatever language he speaks, whether it be; a little poem under the bed, a text message at work, breakfast in bed, a rose in the bathroom, even a new sex top.

 

There is more, click on the other parts 1, 3, 4 to continue reading.

share if you want others to benefit from this and please let me know your opinion by commenting.

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4