I suffer from a severe “menu reader’s block.” It’s not like I have a disability preventing me from understanding the content of a menu. Although I must admit, the condensed form of a combination of strange and familiar food items can be overwhelming. Especially when you have a waitress with a forced smile standing over your head, asking
“are you ready to make your order?”
I assure you, I am very capable of comprehending the complex vocabulary inherent in the most sophisticated of Menus so comprehension isn’t the problem.
Now, what could be the cause of my “menu reader’s block?”
After series of research, I found out my condition become severe when I’m at the restaurant with someone. It didn’t take time to discover the reason for the block when I’m by myself: the old indecisive alter ego2. She’s always responsible for all the decisions taking more that 30 minutes in the thinking box.
*The beauty of having an alter ego is that you can blame it for everything from your missing shoelaces to the late submission of an important project. Let’s not leave talk to talk talk; back to my hatred for menu reading.
Another series of research and fieldwork made me realise that alter ego 3 is responsible for my hatred for menu reading. She’s the emotional one; prone to worrying too much and putting others’ needs before hers. Therefore, when I’m with someone paying, I let him/her pick the items synonymous to his/her pocket instead of making a selection. When I’m paying, I let the other diner select what is synonymous to his/her stomach and I remain undecided as a combination of our stomachs, most time, isn’t equivalent to my pocket and if that is not the case, alter ego 2 comes out with her inability to make a quick decision.
Now, if I’ve ever gone dinning with you, you now know why I grunted at the sight of the sexy waitress swinging her hips to our table. I wasn’t jealous that your eyes were glued to her behind as she slowly walked away from the table, I was just battling with my alter egos’ and their “severe menu reader’s block”. If I’ll be dining with you in the future and I grunt at the sexy waiter matching to our table, trust me I’m not grunting at how the white shirt smugly fits and caresses the six pack vaguely visible behind his corporate wear; I am simply battling with my alter egos’ “severe menu reader’s block.”
Finally, if I refuse to grunt, it means I have successfully put my alter egos to rest so you better
make a dash for the ATM machine or
do some transfer on your smart phone.
I am about to eat horses.
If I’m your gracious host, you better take a few lessons from the alter egos I have laid to rest, because,
I’ll be speaking more than my mind if you select an item that is not proportionate to my pocket.
With this little advice, I sign out. Peace!!!