I swear the stores are out to get me. It seems they all sat down, putting aside all their differences to plan a comprehensive campaign”Get Fikayo to Go on a Hunger Strike for Material Gains.” How else do you explain this constant bombarding of my email address with news of SALES? It starts from 10% reduction, goes up to 20%, until it gets to 50%. Then they throw in the killer 75% off. I mean, who can argue with a 75% off or the “final clearance” magical phrase?
However, I had a secret weapon, carefully planned by the brilliant team in Barclays Bank; it’s the Zero balance deadly nuclear power. Yipeee, I thought no supermarket in this world could beat a Zero balance, especially when it has the enchanting words of “no overdraft allowance” attached to it. Dorothy Perkins, Zara , Thomas Mayes Lewin (T.M. Lewis), Tommy Hilfiger and others won’t know what hit them, I thought. No New look, Gap, Next, T.K. Maxx would get it greedy hand on any penny on mine, for now. Ha Ha !!!, I saw their scary little faces when I unleashed my “Zero balance campaign”
I had even fought and won the battle of £20 for 6month BBM service by T-mobile. It was a sweet victory. I remember bringing out my pink blood soaked tongue, and wagging it at the fuchsia pink monster, saying “in your face!!! – No money for you until I can get free 200 minute UK calls for 2 month.” All I needed to do was load £10 on the 31st of this month and another £10 on the 1st of next month and I would be the King Kong of strategic voucher loading.
Until Lady Dorothy Perkins came with her silly email. It was shinny with colourful colours like free delivery, so I thought I could give it a go. Don’t give me that look, remember I was harmed with my Nuclear Zero Balance weapon. Hum, you guessed right; My Zero Balance weapon didn’t protect me against the ridiculously cheap lovely shoes on cheeky Dorothy’s website. You see, H&M is the king of Smugly Fitted Denim Jeans, New look is the Lady of Lycra Maxi Gowns but Dorothy! Dorothy is the Master and Queen of Killer Comfortable Shoes. Kitten heels, Block heels, Pencil heels, Platform shoes, Flat shoes, Winter boots. Oh, I need not go on, as I believe you’ve gotten the gist.
Dorothy had carefully selected the colours wanting in my shoe collection. Even the thought of winter didn’t stop me. I didn’t care that the shoes won’t see the light of day till next summer, when other new exciting designs would be dancing on sale. I had to speak to Barclays but there was no help from her. I think she was jealous that Dorothy didn’t have her size.
It took a powerful in-house discussion with internal organ Lady Heart, Sir Brain and Dr. Emotions (passion, love,…) to find a solution to this dilemma – a three letter word campaign “Landlord Can Wait”. I ran as fast as Miss Legs could carry me to Barclay to verify the legitimacy of my new solution. Lady Heart was beating fast and Sir Brain was screaming out his disgust as I placed some £££ in Dorothy’s hands. She smiled with a wink as she gave me a pot of “Your payment has been processed Thank you for your order.”